Movie Review: Noah

Wow...2 movie reviews in one day. I decided to go see Noah. It had great special effects. Other than that, see the rest of my review below:



It was....

An enormous steaming pile of shit with impacted corn.

Godzilla 2014 Review and Grade

Right off the bat, let me define my Godzilla fandom for you. I love Godzilla. Of all the movies, there are maybe 5 that I have not seen. But, I will see them soon enough, rest assured. Godzilla rules. He rocks. He's the Undisputed KING OF MONSTERS!!! He even beat King Kong.

I am a purist, meaning that I like nothing more than the Japanese Toho Godzilla films that feature a guy in a costume, destroying the city sets, so using those great films as my measuring stick, I will let you know what I thought of this second attempt of Hollywood trying to make a Godzilla movie. (Third, if you count Cloverfield, which sucked.)

Zilla

In 1998, the first American remake was released, starring Matthew Broderick as an earthworm scientist that got recruited into researching this overgrown iguana that started out in the Pacific, yet somehow winds up in New York City. It was bad. I saw that movie in the theater, not knowing what to expect. I was already bummed because I had seen the previews, and I knew what it looked like (which was NOTHING like Godzilla.) Well, the movie sucked. However, it was better than Cloverfield, which came a decade later. Actually, that movie wouldn't have been that bad if it had been called something else. But, it was called Godzilla, so I hate it. That movie was such a bust that Toho answered with Godzilla 2000, which turned out to be one of the franchise's best films. In 2004, Toho released Godzilla: Final Wars which pitted the real Godzilla against the 1998 American version, nicknamed Zilla. The fight lasted 11 seconds, and Zilla was extremely easily vanquished.

Zilla vs Godzilla

Godzilla in Final Wars

Godzilla 2014

So, now in 2014, Hollywood tries its hand at a Godzilla movie once again. My first reaction was a groan and a facepalm because I didn't want another clunker like the 1998 clunker. But, as I read up on it, I became cautiously optimistic about it. I heard that Godzilla was going to be fighting other monsters, and that he would look like the classic monster. So, I waited, avoiding spoilers and reviews. The timing seemed right. I had been blown away by Pacific Rim, which was an awesome and fun monster movie. I was hoping that we would see more like that with Godzilla. I then started to get worried because I read a report where someone working on the film said that this movie wouldn't be a Pacific Rim ripoff. I obviously didn't want to see a ripoff, but I wanted a movie that looked as good. Then, I saw a still from the movie showing what this Godzilla looks like. I was kind of let down. It looked more like Godzilla than Zilla, but still looked nothing like the King of Monsters. Still, I had hope.

What do you mean I'm not in the
whole damn movie???

So, I finally watched the movie. I am sure that many other reviewers are pissed about the fact that while we were led to get excited about Bryan Cranston being in the movie, he was only there for a very short time.  That was a disappointment, but that's all I'm going to say about that. You don't really get to see Godzilla in a good shot more than once. And, every time they showed a monster fight, they cut away, and showed you more dialogue from the main cast that did not contain Bryan Cranston. You never really get to see a monster fight at all. You can hear it, but you can't see it. The times that you should be seeing Godzilla, you get the poorly written characters who you care nothing about. Sadly, that makes me feel like they did not have the capability to really show you the monster.


The Mutos, (the monsters that Godzilla fights) look like they are CGI that wasn't even completed, as you can see in the pic below. The whole film is like that. Most of the action takes place at night which seems to lend credibility to my theory of them not being able to really present the monsters. However, in the Toho films, you can see every detail in the night action. You can also see the detail in Pacific Rim's night scenes, and that was some damn good looking CGI.

This dog is tied to the tree as the tsunami approaches
however, we see it 2 seconds later running away.

Other points in the film that were head scratchers were when Godzilla came ashore on Hawaii. He caused a tsunami, where the water got sucked out, followed by a tsunami like the footage we saw in Indonesia. That wouldn't have happened. If anything, he would have pushed water onshore as he arrived, but not enough to cause a huge tsunami. Besides, as he got into shallow water, there would have been less of him underwater to push, and even if it did force lots of water onto land, it would have been isolated to the specific area Godzilla was in, and not the whole coast. But, once again, this footage was at night. 

This is what the monsters look
like for the majority of the movie.

Basically, the storyline is weak, with lots of contradictions. The 2 best actors in the film are majorly under utilized. The monster sequences are so dark you can barely see them, and when you can see them, its very briefly. There is one scene where its broad daylight, and you can clearly see Godzilla and the Muto. As soon as they begin to fight, the scene changes to the people, and never goes back to a good looking and clear battle scene. The Mutos have double the screen time that Godzilla does, and the Golden Gate Bridge scene in Monsters vs Aliens looks much better than the one in this movie. But after saying all that, the one thing that irked me the most was after San Francisco and Oakland had been destroyed, and nothing worked due to the EMP pulses which the Mutos had emitted. Most of the survivors had made their way to the Oakland Coliseum, which was undamaged. But, while nothing else worked, the stadium's jumbotron worked just fine, with crystal clear clarity, reporting the news footage from news crews whose cameras and transmitter towers somehow also worked despite the EMP pulses. They were broadcasting live footage of Godzilla returning to the water. (with no tsunami this time.)

Show me with this clarity in the next movie
or I will go to the Pacific Rim sequel

Despite all the negative things I had to say about it, it was better than the 1998 Zilla movie, and Cloverfield. It was NOT better than Pacific Rim, however it was better than a few of the Toho Godzilla films, like Godzilla's Revenge, and Godzilla vs The Smog Monster. That being said, America is 0-2 on Godzilla movies. I think maybe the US should leave Godzilla films to the Japanese pros at Toho. I hope they answer with another classic that features the real Godzilla vanquishing this version in much the same way he vanquished Zilla.


So, final grade: C-. Could have been much better. But, there is going to be a sequel. Since they aren't going to take my advice and not make anymore Godzilla movies, hopefully, they learn from the mistakes in this one.

                            I have to admit, here is a great American remake of Godzilla. Check it out:

Kim Jong Un: Don't Rerease Rogen Movie...Ror Relse!

You are making me rerry angry! Get me Dennis Rodman
at ONCE!!!

I read the news today oh boy...Seems that Kim Jong Un of North Korea has gotten his panties in a wad over a new Seth Rogen film, The Interview. Its a movie that portrays the assassination of Kim Jong Un. And in a comical development, Un has decreed that making and releasing that movie is "AN ACT OF WAR!!!"

So Un wants to declare war the on US because of Hollywood? My knee jerk reaction is to say to bring it on, but our weakling president would probably buy him off with all the weapons and money that he wants, and release 10 more Gitmo terrorists. And, our media would praise the act as "not appeasement, but courageous diplomacy."  Although it would be hilarious to see all the Hollywood elite trying to rally support.

Uhhh...No.

Un initially only condemned Seth Rogen. If it was because Rogen is not funny then I completely understand. I labeled him as the anti-funny a long time ago after seeing his Mall Cop movie. Creepy? Yes. Bland and Boring? Yes. Funny? Uhhh...No. Don't even get me started on him as the Green Hornet. That was almost as bad as Rosie O'Donnell as Betty Rubble.

So, lets look at this realistically. I have wondered if Kim Jong Il saw Team America: World Police. Now, I am assuming that either he did not or he had a sense of humor. I'm betting on the former though. I think that if he had seen Team America, his reaction would have been similar to Un's reaction to this Rogen film. He has also called it an act of terror. That's funny. Butchering his people for no reason is not terror, but a crappy movie by a bad actor is? And, I didn't see Un or Il calling Team America or the film that was released portraying the assassination of George W Bush during his presidency an act of war, disrespectful, or anything else. So, why should we believe this was anything other than yet another temper tantrum from Un to get his name in the spotlight again?


Un has vowed a "merciless retaliation" if this movie is released. If it is released, and Un does launch an attack that manages to kill Americans (like maybe FOUR Americans?) I have a couple questions. 1, if Un does attack, will the 0bama administration track down Rogen and the director of the movie and arrest them? 2, What makes Un Think that such a retaliation would have any chance of being successful? In a previous post, I brought up the Red Dawn remake. This is what I wrote about it:

Red Dawn: North Korea invades us? Riiight. No wonder Kim Jong Un is so emboldened lately. He probably thinks that the movie is actual United States news footage from when his uncle was in charge.

This whole thing is interesting. I will be watching to see if the movie is actually released, and whether or not the movie studio will cave in fear. If the movie is actually released, I will be watching to see if Kim Jong Un does launch a retaliation strike. If he launches a strike, I will be watching the 0bama administration to see if they do in response whether the strike kills Americans or not. If that happens, I will be watching to see if the movie makers are arrested because if Americans are killed over it, this actually WILL be a reaction to a video that resulted in Americans dying.

So, just a little bit to think on over the next couple months. Personally, I doubt Un does anything at all. Although I am a little pissed because I am going to have to go see this movie. I can't stand Seth Rogen, but this movie has to be released, and it has to be a box office hit. Thanks alot, Kim Jong Un, you little nephew of a cockroach! I will not only see this movie, but I will give it a great review even if it sucks (which it will because Seth Rogen is in it) JUST TO PISS YOU OFF! 

I do have to give props to Rogen on the way he is handling the situation

God Bless America, and go see The Interview when it comes out. Stand up for free speech!

UPDATE: 7-18-2014, Kim Jong Un has appealed to 0bama to get the movie banned from being released.
Sadly, I believe that there is a chance that he will do it. Why? Because he is a douchebag that gives dictators everything they want. 

I have 2 blogs, and this was posted on both of them.

What Do I Think About grunge?

From time to time, when I mention the fact that I don't like grunge, whether in this blog, on Twitter, or the Will and Thunder Show, <ca-ching!> someone will message me and try to point out the error of my ways. They try to rewrite history, and tell me that these grunge bands were actually something decent to listen to. And, my favorite thing they say is "You say you like Alice in Chains! They are a grunge band!"

Read on, folks. By the time I'm done with this, you will know my exact feelings on grunge, what fueled it, and why I hate it now more than I did in the 90's. And, grab a drink. This is a long one.

First of all, let's get this out in the open. Alice in Chains is NOT a grunge band. They aren't now, and they never were. Alice in Chains is and always was a METAL band. Some of the plaid shirt wearing crowd may not realize this but Alice in Chains was selected to open the Clash of the Titans Tour, which featured Megadeth, Anthrax, and Slayer. It was that tour that put AIC on the map. Can you plaid people honestly tell me that you think that Nirvana or Pearl Jam would have been a good fit to open that tour? Not to mention the fact that the tour started a few months BEFORE Nirvana first premiered on MTV. And, please stop telling me that AIC came from Seattle, therefore they are grunge. Just because a band comes from Seattle doesn't mean that they are a grunge band by default. Jimi Hendrix came from Seattle. Heart came from Seattle. Queensryche came from Seattle. Are they grunge?

Next, I always get asked about Soundgarden. People ask me why I don't like them. They try to tell me that they are a metal band just like AIC. Not true. They are a grunge band, just a little bit heavier than most. And, I know that Soundgarden was out long before grunge. They were considered 'alternative metal.' Translated: GRUNGE! Now, as a friend pointed out to me, Soundgarden won the award for Best Grunge Band. They said that they saw themselves more as a metal band, but appreciated the award. What a pantload. The metal thing to do would be to say "Look, we aren't a f**king grunge band. Keep the damn award." But, they kept it. Then, if Soundgarden was NOT a grunge band, what happened with Temple of the Dog? That most certainly was a grunge band, and Chris Cornell formed it not only another member of Soundgarden, but also Eddie Vedder, another member of Pearl Jam and a member of Mother Love Bone. All grunge. They also did their fair share of whining about going mainstream. So, if it looks like a duck....

Chris Cornell did a long interview
whining because the Black Hole Sun
single was released too early.

Anyway,what also makes me laugh about this is I never said that grunge bands as a whole had no talent. But, people remind me that Soundgarden has talent. Are they admitting that most grunge bands had no talent?

On the talent issue, some of the grunge bands had good musicians. Like Soundgarden, Pearl Jam, etc . However, some most certainly did not. Like Nirvana. And before you go off half cocked defending Cobain, let me say this: Kurt Cobain may have been a good guitarist. Only those who knew him knew for sure because he sure as hell didn't show any talent in any of the songs Nirvana did. And, another argument is that Cobain was a great lyricist. Big deal. Rappers are very good lyricists. Nobody ever tries to call them great musicians. Edgar Allen Poe could have been considered a great lyricist. Nobody ever said he was a great musician. Quoth the Raven.

Speaking of talent, while some of the bands had it, the "musicians" that were influenced by the genre sure as hell did not. In every era of Rock and Metal, the goal of kids learning to play was to see how good of a guitarist, singer, bassist, or drummer they could be. However, when grunge became mainstream, all the kids thought that if they could play Smells Like Teen Spirit on guitar, they were great guitarists. And what the hell was up with those weird shaped guitars? Or, if they could use a low to mid range voice and whine through their noses, they were great singers. Suddenly, the only thing that was cool to write about was how depressed you were, or how your life sucked. It was not a good time.

Sebastian Bach, and Steve Vai suck! Now listen to us whine
through our noses, and our guitarist bang 4 chords on an
out of tune guitar, and watch us sway back and forth!

Grunge did not kill rock and metal, but it put it in critical condition. Every Rock/Metal genre prior to grunge paid homage to its predecessors with tributes, and all other types of respect. Grunge musicians had zero respect for their predecessors, and openly slammed them. They alienated themselves, and therefore, there are no respected grunge musicians of note today..Other than Dave Grohl, but he is an extremely talented musician, who pays homage and respect to all of the greats who came before him. The exception to the rule. So how did it hurt Rock and Metal? By telling a generation that you didn't need to be great in order to succeed. Look at what it spawned. A bunch of rap rock and simplistic music. 20 years of musicians who were considered great, yet couldn't hold a candle to an average 60's, 70's, and 80's musician. I remember being at a local show and after the band played, this guy begged to be let on stage to play a song. He had brought one of those goofy looking guitars with him, and he sat down and played Glycerine by Bush. He thought he had done something special too. Other bands like Green Day are considered to be great musicians too, when all they do is play 4 chords.

Nirvana and other grunge bands
whined about success. But, I never
saw them do a tour for free.
Hypocrites.

Simply put, I hate grunge. I despise it. I would rather listen to country than listen to those whining hypocrite douchebag garage bands who played shows to get noticed, then whined even more once they were noticed. So, why do I hate grunge? It sucked. By the definition of 'asshole' in Team America: World Police, grunge was/ is an ASSHOLE! But luckily, over the past 5-10 years, this new crop of bands is turning it around. Kids want to be good musicians again, and its showing. The 80's bands are having a major resurgence, and seeing lots of kids in their teens and twenties coming out to their concerts, and they are buying the albums. Grunge, nu metal, and the contemporary rock/pop that has plagued us for so long is a stain that is fading away. So, in the loud, awesome, and TRUE words of Steel Panther: 

Tesla: Simplicity

All the 80's Glam and Hair Bands are reforming, and releasing brand new albums. Festival tours are popping up all over the place, and 80's rock and metal is returning from the dead. Yet another one of the legendary 80's bands, Tesla has stormed back onto the scene with their latest, Simplicity. And, in honor of the theme of this album, this will be a simple review. The first track, MP3 is the anthem leading the charge about technology, stating that its taken us from the phonograph record to the MP3.

'Simply' speaking, Simplicity seems like Tesla never took any time off. It falls into succession alongside Mechanical Resonance, The Great Radio Controversy, and Psychotic Supper. Heavy, guitar driven blues and good ol' Rock N Roll. Singer, Jeff Keith sounds like he hasn't aged a week since Psychotic Supper, and Frank Hannon is back with a vengeance on the guitar and the piano. His solos never sounded so good. Drummer, Troy Luccketta and bassist Brian Wheat are solid as ever, and Wheat also rocks out on the Piano duties. Joining them is guitarist, Dave Rude.

Songs on the album are easily the next step in progression from previous albums. For example, the song Cross My Heart is a good soul filled blues jam with piano, and mean guitar, reminiscent of What You Give. Honestly is a nice ballad with great vocal harmonies, that a tribute to those who put others ahead of themselves, and are just a <heard this word before?> 'Simple' man, doing his best in this jungle of a world. Flip Side is another great acoustic jam that slams into a heavy Blues alleyway. My favorite song on Simplicity is Time Bomb. Its heavy, bluesy, raunchy, with a metalized speed demon solo. Its mostly in the vein of Heaven's Trail. 

Tesla successfully kept this album simple, which is something they never had a problem doing. Tesla always had a way of keeping it simple, and not really changing lanes from the music that got them to the top in the first place. 'Simply' put, if you loved Tesla's previous albums, you will love this one too. Buy it!

Frank Hannon, Brian Wheat, Jeff Keith, Dave Rude, Troy Luccketta

I said it would be a simple review, didn't I?

All Access to PA Glam Band, Scarlett Gypsy, New Album, 'All Access'

You could say that York, PA's authentic glam band, Scarlett Gypsy is their best kept secret. They formed in 1991, right as grunge was beginning to rear its ugly head. But, even though most of the other glam bands broke up, they stayed together with their original lineup, making music and making the people in northern PA fall in love with them. They have played in front of thousands in their region, but never really made it past that. Now, with the resurgence of 80's glam, they have decided that its time to go out and play. So, they put together their long awaited debut, All Access.

All Access is a raw and hard driving glam rock album that would fit right in the CD rack with bands like Warrant, Firehouse, and Twisted Sister. Its gritty sleaze anthems like Lov'n Shuv'n and the Sleazy Blusey treat, Tuff -E- Nuff are a breath of fresh air in contrast to today's whining and guttural screaming singers. Its a treat served with nasty lyrics served up with a nasty groove as well. The songs are complimented by 2 great power ballads that will make you reach for your lighter. When You See Me, and Without Your Love. Other songs have a cool driving groove like Is This Love, which is a rock and roll anthem that will take you back to the when wearing leather in 98 degree weather was 'cool.' 

One song that is a huge crowd pleaser is Black Betty. You may not know this, but Ram Jam did not write this song. I didn't know this either. It originated in the 1800's, and is believed to be a song that slaves sang as they were working. Although, I like Scarlett Gypsy's version better. It sounds more METAL! (Sorry, Ram Jam!) 

The band is very talented, and their music reflects the fact that they've been together for so long. You can find videos of them in concert on their YouTube page, as well as their music videos. Stop what you're doing right now, and watch this video for Don't Forget My Name.

Yeah, I got a little emotional seeing that video too. 

Scarlett Gypsy delivers a great new refreshing sound of old school rock complete with blazing guitar riffs, melodic vocals and infectious hooks straight to you with the volume cranked up to eleven!!! Singer Dave Mathew has a very versatile voice that can do amazing things. Listen in particular to the song, Without Your Love. Guitarist, Steve Plonk is easily in the 'better guitarists' category when it comes to 80's hair bands, and Robert Douglas on bass, and Scotty Scarlett on drums make up a very solid and nasty rhythm section. 

But, on top of all that, they are very cool guys. We had them on The Will and Thunder Show <ca-ching!> recently, and they are among the most favorite guests that we've had. Check it out! You'll really want to hear the 'Black Diaper' story.

So, do yourself a favor, and buy this album from Bandcamp. 80's music is coming back, and Scarlett Gypsy is one of the keepers of the flame that kept metal alive. Scarlett Gpysy, and bands like 3D in Your Face continued playing this awesome music, and earning the love of everyone they played in front of, and slowly, interest began to come back. Now, its back!

Follow them on Twitter and Facebook.

And one other thing...Singer, David Mathew also builds amazing custom guitars. Shoot the band a message on social media, and I'm sure they will give you details. The knobs on his guitars go up to ELEVEN!!!

Finnish Symphonic Metal Band, Severnica and Their EP, Long Lost Longing

From Turku, Finland comes yet another amazing progressive/symphonic metal band called Severnica. From the US comes another rap band with zero talent. I think I need to take my show, and vocal/guitar abilities somewhere they would be appreciated. I don't know..maybe Finland? Sweden? Denmark? But then, there would be nobody in the US to tell everyone how much awesome great music comes from there. Oh well...Guess I'm staying and taking one for Team USA.

Still, the metal coming from there is amazing, and Severnica is no exception.

Most of the progressive/ symphonic metal is heavy on the keyboards. It adds mystique, and intrigue. Severnica is driven by keyboards, as all 4 of the songs on their EP, Long Lost Longing start with them. Its a little wrinkle in the genre that gives Severnica a uniqueness...All of these bands have a uniqueness to them which makes this genere of heavy metal even more interesting. 

As I said, the music is driven by the keyboards, by Teemu Yolmunen, but that is not to imply that anything else is lacking. It isn't. Tuomo Schwela is a very skilled guitarist, who also offers up the powerful guttural vocal performance, as in the song, My Journey. You can hear it in the guitar rhythms, and his solos. Timo Vilppu and Ville Vainio function as a very tight and thundering rhythm section. But, the vocals are amazing. Singer, Maarit Nieminen has a celestial and beautiful voice. She is very powerful, yet still tender. Its refreshing.

  Maarit Nieminen, Vox          Teemu Tolmunen-Keys,        Tuomo Schwela-Guitars/vox        Timo Vilppu-Bass                Ville Vainio, Drums  

Also, for those of you (like me) who don't speak Finnish, the word 'Severnica' translated means 'Polaris' or 'North Star' which is the brightest star in the sky. Pretty damn good name if you ask me. 

And, if their debut effort is any indication of things yet to come, they will be on tour with bands like Epica, Nightwish etc soon enough.

Pick up their EP on Bandcamp.  Facebook Twitter