Its Gerald's Tower! A Tale of 3 King Movies

 

There's a winning formula.

Its right there, if you

just keep your eyes open

 

 

 

Ok, as a long time Stephen King fan (minus his idiotic jabs at our president) I've seen many of his books adapted into movies for both TV and the movie theater. Most of them have not been that good, with a few exceptions, like The Green Mile, Shawshank Redemption, and a couple others. As good as the original TV series, 'It' was, it was actually pretty cheesy, with the only redeeming thing being the talent of Tim Curry as Pennywise. But, this year has been a gold mine for King, with 3 movies, and several TV series. We're going to talk about the movies "It, Gerald's Game, and The Dark Tower" because they were all big budget hits. Even though Gerald's Game was a Netflix movie, it could have easily been on the screen because its production value was equal to the other two.

 

There are spoilers coming!

 

We'll start first with It because its the biggest blockbuster of the three, and rightfully so. It was brilliantly done, and while it didn't follow the book verbatim, it made its own formula that worked. The book, and the first movie takes place while the group of kids as adults looking back and remembering events that took place during their first brush with Pennywise, the evil monster who eats kids to stay alive. What the 2017 version does is make it all take place when the kids were kids. No flashbacks. The next movie will cover the events as they are adults, returning to take Pennywise down once and for all. It was a great movie, and I imagine the next installment will be equally good. So, while this movie doesn't follow the book as written, it follows the book in content, just in a different order, which is a good thing. And, sorry, Mr. Curry...Bill Skarsgard owned the character. As much as it pains me to say it. Grade: A-

 

Well, DAMMIT!

Next, we're going to talk about Gerald's Game. When I first heard they were doing this movie, I was skeptical. Most of the movie is a woman cuffed to a bed, with her fears manifesting themselves in her mind. I wasn't sure how it could be interesting. Well, leave it to Netflix, because they hit a home run. This movie follows the book verbatim. And, we see her memories, and hallucinations. There were a couple scenes from the book that were left out, but nothing that effected the quality of the story, unlike Cell which was careful to leave out anything cool and interesting that happened in the book. Grade: B+ 

 

Say it aint so!

And finally, we come to the last of the 3. I guess you could say that I saved the worst for last.  The Dark Tower series should be done AS A SERIES by HBO or Netflix. Period. Its too complex for a movie. Even for a series of movies. For one thing, the Roland character, played by Idris Elba is not black. If you've read the books, you know that I'm not making a racist statement by saying that. Just imagine a black character calling another black character 'Honkey.' It just doesn't work. Plus, several key characters were left out, and the one that they do use, Jake is nothing but a pawn in the books. There are 2 other characters who contribute much more to the story. Also, the "Forgotton the face of his father" chants that Roland and Jake recite. If you've never read the books, that makes no sense to you, and seems kind of silly. The 'Man in Black' played by Matthew McConaughey is in a struggle with Roland, but it doesn't end the way it does in the movie. Not even close. And, honestly, when I first heard about this movie, I figured McConaughey would be playing Roland. That would have fit, honestly. And, the Dark Tower itself is not remotely represented in the movie as it is in the books. Not even close. This movie is nothing more than Stargate meets Inception. Avoid this one if you haven't seen it yet. Grade: F

 

So, what's this formula? Its easy, Hollywood. JUST FOLLOW THE DAMN BOOKS! Look at It and Gerald's Game. They followed the books, and are critically acclaimed blockbusters. The Dark Tower was a flop. Look at the other movies that were huge successes: Christine, Cujo, the 2 I mentioned earlier, and others. What do they have in common? They followed the books, and are considered classics. The Lawnmower Man? The Mangler? Not so much. Just follow the books, and you'll get it right! It isn't that complicated!



Freaking Clown Running Amok? SHEESH!

Northampton, England, there is a creepy ass clown running around, scaring people. He isn't killing anyone, and he isn't flashing people, and he isn't peeking out of drains, and he apparently doesn't smell like whiskey either. But, its a freaking clown, and its creepy! I am one of those people who has a clown phobia. When I was little, I was at a fair, and this freaking creepy clown (who probably did smell like whiskey) came up behind me and scared the crap out of me. Probably literally. I don't know. But, clowns have freaked me out ever since. And, when I read Stephen King's IT, that didn't help matters.

THAT's why!

I never watched the Bozo Show on TV, or any other clown thing. When I was in second grade, there was a clown that came to our class. I mysteriously had a really bad stomach ache that day. To this day, when I see one of those painted demons, I still get a little nervous and uneasy, and my heart rate picks up a little bit. I also avoid any McDonalds that has a Ronald McDonald likeness in the store...Actually these days, I try to avoid McDonalds all together. I shouldn't have to pay for heartburn. Freaking clowns! Parents, if you invite me to your kid's birthday party, and you have a clown, I'm turning around, and taking my kid AND the gift that we got for your kid, and I'm leaving.

This would NOT happen in the US.

This 'Britclown' has a Facebook page, but is apparently not on Twitter because it confuses him. Twitter confuses me too, but I still have a page. But, I can identify with it being confus- STOP IT, BRITCLOWN! See there? He's trying to get into my head by finding things that I can relate to. That's what they do, people! I have something in common with him, and I let my guard down, and next thing you know, he's sneaking up behind me with a chocolate pie to throw in my face as soon as I turn around! And heaven forbid if he tries to make a balloon animal, and the damn thing pops in my face.

Now, let me be clear here. I am not saying that this guy should be arrested or anything. He isn't committing a crime, and truthfully, I would rather see a clown walking down the street even if it gives me the willies than some little thug with his pants hanging halfway down his ass. But, if this happened in the USA, somebody would have shot him. Some thug on the street would shoot him just because he didn't like clowns, or something stupid like that. A responsible gun owner would not do it unless his life was in danger, and unless its Pennywise or Pogo, your life probably isn't in danger if you see a clown. I had to clarify because I don't want some gun control drone using my analogy to advance their agendas. Anyway, this clown isn't hurting anybody, so I say let him do what he does. Leave him alone, and be glad that somebody is trying to give you a little something different for a change. He wants to do it, fine. Let him be. If I ever saw him, I would probably suck it up, and go shake his hand for scaring all the nitwits out there.

I wonder if he would like to be a guest on the Will and Thunder Show? <caching!>

So, Northampton, even though clowns creep me out, I salute you. Keep doing what you do. Just don't try to bring your act to the US.

You know what else creeps me out?
THESE damn things!!!