Song Lyric Dissections: Miracles by Insane Clown Posse

You know it! The Juggalos are going to be pissed. By reading the replies on the SNL parody on Youtube by them, it appears they cannot take a joke. They take their rapper Kiss ripoffs VERY seriously.

If you've never heard this song or seen the video, you might want to so before you read this dissection.  This is the original video:

Here is the SNL parody:

This song is ridiculous. I don't even really have to do much to make fun of it. They do a pretty good job on their own. Its their attempt to be DEEP. Well, its deep all right, but not the kind of deep they were hoping for.

And.................

Verse: If magic is all we've ever know
Then it's easy to miss what really goes on
But I've seen miracles in every way
And I see miracles everyday

Commentary: Sure, life itself is a miracle, but ICP decided to label other things as miracles. Read on! 

Verses: Oceans spanning beyond my sight
And a million stars way above em at night
We don't have to be high to look in the sky
And know that's a miracle opened wide

Commentary: Its not really a miracle considering the earth is 3/4 water. Still, not a bad verse. Nothing weird...yet.

Verse: Look at the mountains, trees, the seven seas
And everything chilling underwater, please
Hot lava, snow, rain and fog
Long neck giraffes, and pet cats and dogs

Commentary: Ok, you've repeated yourself. You've already talked about oceans, and I gave you that one, but mentioning the 7 seas is essentially the same thing. Hot lava, snow, rain and fog are all part of nature. Not necessarily a miracle. Long neck giraffes are not a miracle. A SHORT neck giraffe would be a miracle though. As for pet cats and dogs, How can you call that a miracle? Dogs have been mans best friend since the caveman days. Cats have been worshiped before in ancient Egypt. How is it a miracle that we have them as pets? 

Verse: And I've seen eighty-five thousand people
All in one room, together as equals
Pure magic is the birth of my kids
I've seen shit that'll shock your eyelids

Commentary: I guess 85k people all in one room would be a miracle if they came to an ICP concert. I didn't realize there were even that many ICP fans in the world, let alone one city! But they didn't say they saw 85k people at an ICP concert, so maybe they went to a Bon Jovi concert. 85k people in a stadium? I could see that. And, thats definitely not a miracle!

Verse: The sun and the moon, and even Mars
The Milky Way and fucking shooting stars
UFOs, a river flows
Plant a little seed and nature grows

Commentary: Is it necessary to throw the F bomb in that line? Seriously. You know what would be a miracle? A rap song that wasn't loaded with F bombs. UFOs haven't been proven yet, but if they were, it still wouldn't be a miracle. Want to know how rivers flow? Its because of gravity. Not a miracle. Planting seeds, I'll give you that one, but we already covered nature. And, it isn't nature that grows from a seed. Its a plant or tree. I guess if nature did really grow, that could be considered a miracle because no one has defined nature as one specific thing.

Verse: Niagara falls and the pyramids
Everything you believed in as kids
Fucking rainbows after it rains
there's enough miracles here to blow your brains

Commentary: Waterfalls are not miracles. Its due to gravity. The river flows, then comes to a cliff. What else did you expect to happen? I suppose you're talking about the Easter Bunny and such. They don't exist! So, how could they be miracles?? And, The way rainbows form is not a miracle. They are formed by light through moisture in the air. Unless you believe something else like this lady: 

 But, I guess it would be a miracle if you DID manage to actually *uck a rainbow though. 

Verse: I fed a fish to a pelican at Frisco bay
It tried to eat my cell phone, he ran away
And music is magic, pure and clean
You can feel it and hear it but it can't be seen

Commentary: How is feeding a fish to a pelican a miracle? I've done it many times! And, I've even seen one snatch a cell phone from someone. Did I witness a miracle here? If I did, please let me know! And what do you expect music to look like? Actually, you CAN see it. Here's how! cns.iaf.cnrs-gif.fr/fig/neuronal-music2.jpg But, I seriously doubt they have ever seen sheet music before. 

Chorus: Music is all magic
(Are you a believer in miracles)
You can't even hold it
(Do you notice and recognize miracles)
it's just there in the air
(Are you a believer in miracles)
Pure motherfucking magic Right?
This shit'll blow your fucking mind
(Do you notice and recognize miracles)

Commentary: Pure *ucking magic! Yep! I notice and recognize miracles every day! The fact that people take ICP seriously is a *ucking miracle! And, yes. It DOES blow my mind that ICP even sat down and thought out these lyrics.

Verse: Music is a lot like love, it's all a feeling
And it fills the room, from the floor to the ceiling
I see miracles all around me
Stop and look around, it's all astounding

Commentary: mmm hmmm. I think a little hit of acid might make me see things the way ICP does.

Verse: Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

Commentary: Clown guys! Come on! Here's how magnets work www.coolmagnetman.com/maghow.htm And it doesn't really take a scientist to explain how magnets work. You might have to read a book though, which could take a miracle.

Verse: Solar eclipse, and vicious weather
Fifteen thousand Juggalos together

Commentary: Solar eclipse? How is that a miracle? The moon gets in between...Ahh, forget it. ICP might think I was a lying scientist. 15k juggalos together is a miracle? Yep. ICP said it not me!

Verse: And I love my mom for giving me this
Time on this planet, taking nothing for granted

Commentary: Birth is a miracle. Gotta give you that one, but you DO take things for granted. They're called BOOKS! How do I know ICP doesnt read books? I've already explained it. Did you read this dissection? 

Verse: I seen a caterpillar turn into a butterfly
Miracles ain't nothing to lie

Commentary: Another one I'll give you. But what does 'aint nothing to lie' mean???

Verse: Shaggy's little boys look just like Shaggy
And my little boy looks just like daddy

Commentary: Your boys look like your daddy? Am I the only one here who finds that line to be a little strange??

I think it would be a miracle if these girls could name 10 ICP songs.

Verse: Miracles each and every where you look
And nobody has to stay where they put

Commentary: WHAT? Nobody has to stay where they put WHAT??? It seems like ICP wanted to rhyme the word 'look' and used the word 'put.' It doesn't rhyme, but there have been other lines in this song that didn't even come close to rhyming. Why start now?

Verse: This world is yours for you to explore
there's nothing but miracles beyond your door
The Dark Carnival is your invitation
To witness that without explanation
Take a look at this fine creation
And enjoy it better with appreciation

Oh great. They gotta plug the album in a song? Question: If they already bought the album, why would you need to plug it on a song that's ON the album???

verse: Crows, ghosts, the midnight coast
The wonders of the world, mysteries the most
Just open your mind, and it ain't no way
To ignore the miracles of every day

Commentary: Get me a gun! There ain't no doubt...You might as well shoot me when the beer runs out!

Chorus: (Are you a believer in miracles)
Magic everywhere in this bitch
(Do you notice and recognize miracles)
it's all around you, you don't even know it
(Are you a believer in miracles) Shit's crazy
(Do you notice and recognize miracles,
So many miracles, the magic miracles)

Are you a believer in miracles
Do you have time for the miracles
Do you notice and recognize miracles
So many miracles, the magic miracles
Are you a believer in miracles
Do you have time for the miracles
Do you notice and recognize miracles
So many miracles, the magic miracles
Are you a believer in miracles
Do you have time for the miracles
Do you notice and recognize miracles
So many miracles, the magic miracles
Are you a believer in miracles
Do you have time for the miracles
Do you notice and recognize miracles
So many miracles, the magic miracle

Commentary: Yo Yo Yo, Awwww Yeah Boyyeee! Recognize these miracles, Bitch! Recognize them or I'll smack you upside your head with a hammerhead Shark! How did the shark live with a hammer in its head??? Its another miracle!

Its a miracle this dissection only took 30 minutes.

Fucking minutes..How do they work??

My head hurts now. I need a doctor.

I know how large corporations can pay more.

That's right. I know a guaranteed way that corporations can pay their middle class employees more money...and it won't even raise their payroll. Want to know the secret? I'd tell you but I have to refer you to the 'Department of Unsolicited Messages Bid And Solid Solutions' (DUMBASS) and they will have to approve me telling you, then send your request to the 'Message Office Replies Of Necessity' (MORON) and once they deem it a necessary, they send it to the 'Department Of Linking Transfer' (DOLT) who then forwards it back to me. So, once I get permission from the required channels, and the permission forms are all documented and verified by my boss, his boss, and his boss's boss, you can expect to hear my secret in about 3 months.

Well, in true corporate fashion, I will tell you in a bit. First, I'm going to tell you a few stories of experiences I've had recently and in the past. By the time I'm done, I probably won't even have to tell you my idea, but I will anyway.

A few years back, I was a property manager for a company that 'offered storage to the public.' I had never seen so many layers of unnecessary brass before in my life. They had people who's job it was to travel around the country and appraise the safety awareness of everyone working there. Sounds good, right? All this person (who made triple what I was making, plus got paid to see the country) did was show up, go through your 'safety manual' (which was nothing but monthly printouts of common sense safety crap that any 5 year old would know...and they never changed year to year. They were always the same with a different little smiley face or something like that so they knew you printed it) to make sure it was up to date, then they would ask you what the monthly safety topic was...it was on the monthly printout that never changed, and to conclude their visit, they would ask you to demonstrate the proper way to open a roll up door. They were there literally 5 minutes tops, and they never found anything bad or out of order. I called another store in a different part of the company with a different safety manager and was told that they did the exact same thing there. How can I apply for that job? And, why did the DM come around and do those things when there was a department specifically for that?

At least twice a year, there would be an email from corporate HQ, saying to welcome the new employees of the new 'Department Of Nothing Other Than Handling Insignificant Numeric Goods' (DONOTHING) and how glad they were to have them on board. Then, a week later, another email from HQ talking about how the bonuses had been "restructured." (cut to pay for DONOTHING)

My wife has worked for the same company for 7 years. She has transferred the job to 3 different cities, and has been asked to go to other stores that needed help. The company's payroll department after getting W4s from her when we moved to a different state was always backwards because of a chain of people that had to handle that information. When she went to help another store, she was paid gas mileage. The check they cut for that had to be approved by the store manager of the store she was at, then to the DM, then to the RM, then the VP of the company, then forwarded to the payroll department. As a result, her mileage was sent to a previous address. This happened twice. Another time, we moved, and her paycheck was sent to the previous store. That happened twice. Once, they credited the money to a CLOSED BANK ACCOUNT! She tried to get that straightened out, and they said they would send a check. Once again, sent to a previous location. Every one of these transactions had to go through 3 different people before they went to the department where it needed to go.

This next story was the inspiration for this post. I have over the years delivered pizza as a second job. Before moving to North Carolina last month, I worked for a chain for a year and a half as a second job. I worked for a franchise store. I gave them a month notice when we left, and left on very good terms, and was definitely rehire-able. I went to a location near our new place, thinking I could grab a job quickly and have some fast income coming in while I found a real job since we were in a much bigger city. I was WRONG. Seems the location I went to was a corporate store, not a franchise store. It had only been a matter of 3 weeks since I worked for the franchise store, yet I had to interview, then go to a 2 hour orientation, and they had to submit my information to a department who's sole responsibility is to determine if previous employees are eligible for rehire. You'd think a DM could just pick up the phone, and call the previous manager, but you would be wrong. So, I jumped through hoops for a week, and it finally come back that since working for the franchise store, I had not gone on a crime spree, and gotten a DUI or two. So, I was hired. Next step was the orientation. I was told that it only was once a week with the orientation manager. That is all that guy does. He goes from city to city telling people how to deliver pizza and work there.

The orientation day was Tuesday. It WAS scheduled for 6, and this was the only day I could do it. We have a 3 year old, and my wife was scheduled to work that night, so she changed her schedule so I could do it. No problem. Then, I got a phone call from the place, saying the orientation had been moved to 5:00. I told them that my wife had changed her schedule, and I would have to be a few minutes late. They said it was ok. So, I got there at 5:15. The 'orientation manager' was there with a group of new hires, and he had no idea who I was. I told him, and he looked in his books, and informed me that I was scheduled for NEXT week. I told him what had happened, and told him that I was there now. He asked me if I had my orientation paperwork. I knew nothing of orientation paperwork. No one said anything about it. He apologized, and said he couldn't help me. I told him that I had been working for them for a year and a half, and I didn't understand all this red tape. He snidely told me that I worked for a franchise store, and not a corporate store, and corporate stores do things much differently, and screen their employees much deeper, and I would have to learn to do things the "right way."

I told him that there was a reason that franchise stores do better than corporate. For example, I was a top driver at the franchise, and would work whenever needed, and they weren't thrilled to lose me. But, because of the stupidity of the corporate store, I would not be back. I'd go to a competitor if I haven't found a job in the next couple weeks. So, they lost out on a top employee just because the corporation has to have all these DONOTHINGs with a novel sized rule book.

So, I'm sure you have a pretty good idea what my idea is by now. Its simple. Get rid of all these stupid and unnecessary departments, and you can pay your employees more! You know what? Production would go up too because the employees wouldn't have 5 different people breathing down their necks to complete one simple task. 

This goes out to all DONOTHINGs: 

***

Seriously, corporations...Get rid of all those layers of upper management, and give the money you pay them to the people who make you all the money...Your ground level employees. When did an 'orientation manager' ever make a DIME for your company? Never?