Did Steel Panther Drop a Rusty Hairball?

I've been very vocal about giving the great glam metal band, Steel Panther lots of credit for this 80's metal resurgence. They started out playing small clubs as a gimmick, and at first, people came out to laugh at them. Slowly, more and more people started to realize that while Steel Panther was a doing a parody of the 80's decadence, they were also very talented musicians who wrote good songs. Now, Steel Panther is playing arenas, and more than likely living the life they portray on their videos of sex, drugs, and rock and roll...although, maybe not because I just found a picture of them without makeup and wigs while looking for their album cover. (Not that there is anything wrong with that!)

So, as the title suggests, I am wondering if Steel Panther may have gotten a little bit too cocky for their own good. Their current album, All You Can Eat is a depiction of Leonardo Da Vinci's The Last Supper with the singer in the seat that is Jesus's in the painting. The other band members are seated at the table, along with scantily clad groupies ON the table.

Now, I am not going to preach here, although I do find this slightly offensive, and it takes a lot to offend me. And, I am not going to lead a movement to try to get the cover banned. I do not believe in censorship, even when there is something I don't like. I'm not even going to get into whether or not this cover was right or wrong. I am merely asking a the following question: Was this album cover a good idea from a marketing stand point?

In an original song from a band I was in back in the day, there was a bridge that went like this: The baby boomers are now old and gray, Generation X is well on its way. We look to the future, and let out a sigh, the next loser up is Generation WHY! Sure, the song is dated. It was written back in 1998. Generation X is mostly old and gray now, which is exactly my point. Most of Steel Panther's fans are 35 years old, and up. There is a large percentage of their fans who are 34 and younger, but most of their fans would have been rocking out at Steel Panther shows back in the 80's if they had been around then. I know I would have.

None of my album covers mocked God like that!

Now, I'm not talking about ALL of Steel Panther's fans, but I'm sure that a large percentage of them might have been a little ticked off about that album cover. Lots of them have families, and some sort of touch with a church, or belief in God, and are teaching their kids about it too. (Yes, they are also teaching their kids about the great and wonderful music that is heavy metal.) People tend to turn to God when they get older. Its a fact of life. So, right now, Steel Panther's music has never been more popular, and this was by far their most anticipated album to date. So, it doesn't make much sense to me to release an album cover that is so polarizing. I understand wanting shock value. There's nothing wrong with that, but even in the most decadent periods of the 80's you didn't have bands doing things like that unless they were Slayer, Venom, or a band like that. A glam band certainly wouldn't have released that album cover.

One of the more controversial glam bands of the 80's was W.A.S.P. With all the things they did that pissed off Al Gore's wife and the rest of the book burners in the PMRC, they would not have released an album cover that was THAT controversial. Ozzy and Black Sabbath didn't even release album covers that mocked God. (although they did release some that were borderline)

Was the cover as bad of a marketing idea as this?
Will Steel Panther's album crash and burn?
We shall see!

So, back to my question. Was this a good marketing decision? We'll see how the album sales are. Ultimately, its the consumers who will decide the answer to this question. And who knows? I may be completely wrong here. Personally, I don't think it was a good idea to release an album cover that would piss off even one of the fans you already have. Back in the 80's, the shock factor was for parents, pastors, and the anal retentive. The 80's bands certainly came out with lots of different ways to scare the uptight, but I can't think of one that went and did something like this.

Finally, my main point is this: Its one thing to piss off the uptight who isn't going to buy your album anyway. Its another to piss off the people who like you. I like Steel Panther a lot. In fact, Death To All But Metal is one of my favorite songs, and one of the greatest metal anthems of all time. But, as much as I like Steel Panther, I will not be buying All You Can Eat, and I will not be seeing them in concert on this tour.

We will see how many people agree with me. In the meantime, here is Death To All But Metal! CRANK IT UP!!!

Top 11 Best Metal Anthems of All Time!

I've gotten away from music a little too much this month, so to make it up to my readers, its time for the baddest and the loudest list you'll ever see, and you'll be cranking it, I promise. Grab a beer, and get ready to rock!

Now, I have a criteria. This is strictly metal anthems. There will be no death metal, and no nu metal or grunge. There will only be glam if the song or band is considered metal. For example, Slayer used to be glam, but they were always metal. There will also be no classic rock bands like Foreigner or Led Zeppelin. Its just METAL! Also, only one entry per band. Makes it more difficult, and more entertaining to list.

So, here we go with the top 11 (HAD to be 11, and you know why!) songs that make us want to break out the air guitar, and rip out some air solos, while throwing the horns, and just all out jamming!

So, crank it to 11, sit back, and get ready to head bang! Ready? Too bad! We're starting!!!

Number 11: Death to All but Metal by Steel Panther Sure, I've mentioned them before, but this song HAS to be included. You can't get much more metal than calling for the death of lame acts in a song with a brutally tough guitar lick, blistering solo and piercing screams. Say what you want, but Steel Panther is partially responsible for the resurgence that metal is seeing right now.









Number 10: Bang Your Head (Metal Health) by Quiet Riot You can't have a metal countdown without this song somewhere. The press hated this band, but they didn't care, and the fans loved them. Plus, it spawned 2 legends on guitar and bass. Of course, I'm talking about Randy Rhoads, and Rudy Sarzo.

Number 9: Caught in a Mosh by Anthrax This one brought the mosh pit into the spotlight, and made parents from coast to coast consider insuring their kids before they went to an Anthrax concert.

Number 8: Soldiers Under Command by Stryper
Some of you guys are going to give me grief on this one, I know it. But this song has it all. Twin axe attack, blistering high notes, powerful rhythm section, huge chorus, and one of the most legendary opening riffs there is. Funny...I never knew they made a video for this song.







Number 7: Symphony of Destruction by Megadeth I know Megadeth has lots of better songs than this, but this one fits with the anthem format, since that's what we are going with here. Hangar 18 just doesn't have the chorus that you would want to sing along with. Sure, Peace Sells could be on here too, but I can only pick one, and everybody picks Peace Sells. We like to be different and not cliche. Wait..Wrong band. Anyway, CRANK IT UP!!!

Number 6: Master of Puppets by Metallica How could we not include this one? If this is #6, what could possibly be #1??? Be patient, my friends. This song defined a genre. This was the song that put thrash metal on the map, and blew everyone's doors off. I still remember being afraid of this album when I first heard it. Master of Puppets was my first thrash album.








Number 5: Mister Crowley by Ozzy Some of the finest guitar work ever done, and it is unmatched to this day. If I were to do an air guitar list, this song would likely be #1. I think this song also has some of Ozzy's best vocals too.

Number 4: Holy Diver by Dio Never before has there been a bigger voice from such a little guy. He is one of the 4 singers that when you hear their name, you think METAL. The other 3 are also on this list too. This song put Ronnie James Dio on the map as a solo artist. And by the way...He didn't die. He was killed by a dragon. I am convinced of this.

Number 3 Hallowed be thy Name by Iron Maiden So many to choose from Iron Maiden. I chose this one because of the guitar work, however its vocals are raw power, especially when the song kicks into full speed. Out of Iron Maiden's many masterpieces, I would rank this one definitely top 5. You can't go wrong here, and if my memory serves, this was the song that got me into Iron Maiden.

Number 2: Heaven and Hell by Black Sabbath I had a very hard time choosing this one. It was between 4 songs. This, Black Sabbath, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, and NIB. I finally went with this because it would have required choosing between 3 Ozzy songs, and I couldn't do it. Plus, Heaven and Hell has that anthem sing along feel to it on top of the dark overtones. Plus, what would it hurt to have a second tribute to RJD?

Number 1: Painkiller by Judas Priest And, now here we are at number one. This song is so badass that it KNOWS it is #1 It even has its own drumroll to intro the song to the number one slot. Sure, Priest has lots of songs that are more anthem like than Painkiller like Metal Gods, Breaking The Law, Another Think Coming, Electric Eye, and the list goes on and on. But, this song is their most heavy hitting, and is the epitome of what a metal anthem should be. Plus, the number one song shouldn't be in my opinion a radio hit. So, get ready to blast it, and get the air guitars blazing because Painkiller is bad. Think there's a better song than Painkiller to be number one? Well, you got another think coming!




So, there you have it. The top 11 Metal Anthems of all time. I hope you enjoyed it. I sure as hell did. As always, I welcome comments. And as always, if its not METAL, TURN IT OFF!!!

2013: Beginning of a Heavy Metal Renaissance?

Metal, and I mean REAL good ol' heavy metal that dominated the 80's has been dead since the end of the 80's. It seems to have gone by the wayside, with the bands breaking up, and the ones that don't break up decided to change with the times and neuter their music. It was a shame. Metal fans from all over the globe wondered what the hell happened to their music and bands, and were demanding real bands back. But, the record companies had decided that metal was dead, and flannel was the new leather. Crappy 3 chord progressions with bad mixdowns, and a monotone whiners calling themselves singers replaced the incredible virtuoso guitarists, excellent vocals by guys who actually sang, and the recordings were produced by professionals.

But, hope was not lost. In 2008,  a group of visionaries came forth, and put together a band that would make people realize just how much of a good thing was gone. They were not afraid to once again don the leather, makeup, and mega talented song writing abilities. Steel Panther took the stage, and asked the important question:

Where is Def Leppard? Where is Mötley Crüe?Why do all my lyrics sound like Dr. Seuss?

Also, leading the battle cry against all things modern corporate music machine with a powerful incantation, they pierced the stratosphere, screaming 'DEATH TO ALL BUT METAL!!!!!'

At first, the band was labeled as a gimmick that wouldn't last long. But, as the crowds and venues they played got larger, combined with exposed boobies and cigarette lighters returning to concerts, people began realizing that REAL metal had been underground for far too long...And that it was time bring it back! Heavy Metal faithful rejoice!

Critics weren't the only people to recognize the truth. Slowly but surely, the metal bands of the 1980's began reforming and writing new 'return to form' types of albums. A handful of musicians grouped up to form supergroups. And it was a breath of fresh air to every metal fan who grew up in Metal's Golden Age. But, new fans were getting in on it too. Look at the ages of people on these bands Facebook pages...I've seen many teenagers on pages for bands like Queensryche or even Fates Warning saying that they were new fans, and they love that type of music. Its very refreshing. You can also see it at these bands concerts. Especially Steel Panther. Its not just 40+ year old women flashing their boobies. ;)

reforming and writing new 'return to form' types of albums. A handful of musicians grouped up to form supergroups. And it was a breath of fresh air to every metal fan who grew up in

In 2013, twenty four classic metal bands/ artists released new studio albums. Most of them were 'return to form' type albums, and they all have one thing in common...They are SELLING. I'm going to list my top 10 in no particular order here:

If you look up 'return to form album' in the dictionary, you will see this album. After many years of disappointing albums, Queensryche, along with Todd LaTorre on vocals released their self titled effort, which easily fits in the category of Queensryche's great albums along with Operation: Mindcrime, Rage for Order, and Promised Land. Its first month outsold BOTH of their previous albums in their first months combined.

Another 'Return to form' album, Stryper proudly releases 'No More Hell to Pay' which fits in between their greatest albums, Soldiers Under Command and To Hell With The Devil. Michael Sweet still has the range he did in the 80's. If anything, his voice is even more powerful.

In keeping with the 'return to form' model here, Skid Row released the album that should have come after Slave to the Grind, United World Rebellion: Part One. Seems like everyone still has 'GOT' it!

Fates Warning, after a long hiatus got back together, and released Darkness in a Different Light, and it

seemed like they never even went away in the first place.

Alice in Chains, is back with a new singer. They released The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here, one of their best albums to date. I am not aware of any Alice in Chains albums that weren't good, so there's no surprise here. I know they came after the 80's, but they were really the only band that was worth a damn in the grunge era. That's because they weren't a grunge band. They were a metal band that happened to come from Seattle.

Megadeth and Super Collider. Need I say more? Dave Mustaine and Megadeth are one of the only 80's bands that never went through an 'album selling' phase by wearing makeup and making stripped down music to try to fit in with what was popular in the 90's. Their sound did change, but not in an effort to fit in. It was to do something a little different for a change. Say what you want about Megadeth. At least they never released an album with no guitar solos.

Another 'return to form' album, Black Sabbath returned to their deep, creepy, doom and gloom, apocalyptic sound that put them on the map in the first place with 13.  It was strange hearing 'Is God Dead?' being played on the radio right after some crappy band named after a position in football.

Motorhead and Aftershock. Nothing else necessary to say other than 'LEMMY!'

Got it? Good.

Pamela Moore's album, Resurrect Me is iconic. It is her first heavy metal album, and it is just as much of a heavy hitter as any of these others. In fact, most of the songs on this album make just about anything on rock radio stations these days seem like bubblegum...or maybe they are bubblegum? Who cares? This album kicks ass!

What a good way to round out the list than with Dream Theater. They have yet another self titled effort, and its my favorite since their first two albums, Images and Words, and Awake. 

Honorable mention to The Winery Dogs for their self titled release. Consisting of Billy Sheehan, Ritchie Kotzen, and Mike Portnoy, they have released one of the best 'supergroup' albums ever done.

Check out the other 14 classics who have all released great albums this year:

Jason Newsted's 'Newsted' and 'Heavy Metal Music'
Helloween: Straight out of Hell
Saxon: Sacrifice
Krokus: Dirty Dynamite
Anthrax: Anthems
Warlord: the Holy Empire
Suicidal Tendencies: 13
Deep Purple: Now What?
Vicious Rumors: Electric Punishment
Kingdom come: Outlier
UDO: Steelhammer
Anvil: Hope in Hell
GWAR: Battle Maximus

I'm sure I missed a few. There were also several bands like Judas Priest and Manowar who released live albums.

Honestly, can you think of a better year for metal albums than 2013 in the past 20 years or so? I can't. And, I'm hoping that 2014 will be even better with more 'return to form' albums, and overall great albums. These releases are better than any of the current 'modern' metal bands on their BEST days. There are several exceptions. Bands like Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, etc are great bands, but we aren't talking about modern bands now, are we?

So, go out and buy these albums! Support the bands when they come in concert, bug the crap out of your local rock radio stations, and maybe...Just maybe Heavy Metal will return to its glory years in a spandex and leather Metal Renaissance!