Why this song and Why now? For one, Nickelback sucks! Why else? Because earlier today, I was sitting at a red light, and these 2 dolts drove up next to me, and they were both screaming this song at the top of their lungs...and no music was playing on their stereo.
I've got the ol' rusty scalpel out, and I cut at a piece of wood with it, so now its not only rusty, its dull too. So, here we go!
Verse: I'm through with standin' in lines to clubs I'll never get in
It's like the bottom of the ninth and I'm never gonna win
This life hasn't turned out
Quite the way I want it to be
(Tell me what you want)
First of all, this song is ridiculous because the band already are 'Rock stars' and it wasn't on their first album, so they didn't write it when they were a local band. So, you could take this song as a wish list for the band because the things they list here will NEVER happen. And of course, Nickleback has a conversation going on in their song. I'll tell you what I want, Nickelback. I want you guys to either disappear, or learn to write songs that don't sound the same, and don't degrade women and encourage drug use. Not holding my breath on either of those though.
Verse: I want a brand new house on an episode of Cribs
And a bathroom I can play baseball in
And a king size tub
Big enough for ten plus me
(Yeah, so what you need?)
As we learned in the Ruben Studdard dissection, it isn't a good idea to date your songs. Nickelback has dated this song, because the TV show Cribs won't be around forever. Do you think that if Lynrd Skynrd had mentioned 'Match Game' while writing Free Bird, the song would have become the legendary timeless anthem that it is? Uhhh...no. But, don't worry. NO song from Nickelback will ever be considered legendary. So, what does Nickelback need?
Verse: I need a a credit card that's got no limit
And a big black jet with a bedroom in it
Gonna join the mile high club
At thirty-seven thousand feet
(Been there, done that)
As for the credit card with no limit, I suggest that Nickelback google 'MC Hammer' and read up on what happened to him. He had a credit card with no limit. And, you don't need a private jet to join the mile high club. If you had any balls, you'd do it in the bathroom of a commercial jet. Many people have done this. Don't think that the mile high club makes a rock star any more special than anyone else.
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| Yo Nickelback...Write this website down! |
Verse: I want a new tour bus full of old guitars
My own star on Hollywood Boulevard
Somewhere between Cher
And James Dean is fine for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
Why do you need a bunch of old guitars? You don't even know how to play anything new on the ones you already have! And, don't hold your breath on that Hollywood star. They don't give those out for splash in the pan perv rockers like you. So, how DO you intend to do it?
Verse: I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name
If that's all it took, then maybe some of the talented local bands who will never be discovered could have been discovered, and today's music wouldn't be in the sad shape that its in...and don't most people GROW their hair when they join bands?
Chorus: 'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
You obviously didn't look up MC Hammer like I suggested. The hilltop house and 15 cars are nice, but you gotta pay for that stuff. What happens when people get tired of your crappy songs, and your label drops you? Just get in touch with Hammer. Just trying to help you out, Nickelback. And, you can have all the cheap and easy girls. Its quality, not quanity. And, sure. Starve yourself if you want to look like Montgomery Burns from the Simpsons.
Chorus: And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
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| There you go. That's who you asked for in your other song. She's here! |
You know, my definition of a cool bar and yours are very different. I don't want to hang out with the snotty celebrities who fart in their own hands and smell it. And, at least Playboy bunnies are honest about who they are. You guys try (key word here is TRY) to write deep and sweet songs to disguise all the other vulgarity you guys write.
Chorus: And well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Yes, Nickelback...We know you are a wannabe rockstar.
Verse: I wanna be great like Elvis without the tassels
Hire eight body guards that love to beat up assholes
Sign a couple autographs
So I can eat my meals for free
(I'll have the quesadilla, ha, ha)
You will NEVER be great like Elvis. Know why? Elvis wrote great and timeless songs that didn't sound the same. When you die, there will never be any people saying that you aren't dead. No Nickelback sightings, unless someone dresses as you for Halloween at a dead loser themed costume party. And, there are no business owners that would give YOU a free meal for your autograph. I don't even know one of Nickelback's band member's names....Wait...Didn't you say earlier that you weren't going to eat???
Verse: I'm gonna dress my ass with the latest fashion
Get a front door key to the Playboy mansion
Gonna date a centerfold that loves
To blow my money for me
(So how you gonna do it?)
Go right ahead and make yourself look like a damn fool. Why does Hollywood come up with the most ridiculous looking outfits, and label it 'Fashion?' And I'm sorry, but you're never going to get a key to Uncle Hugh's mansion. And, I doubt a centerfold would date you without a blood test done first.
Verse: I'm gonna trade this life
For fortune and fame
I'd even cut my hair
And change my name
And, you didn't answer how you were going to do it before. I was paying attention. You just said the same thing over again.
Chorus: 'Cause we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
Chorus: And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial
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| I don't think you meant this. |
You haven't seen a dictionary in years. In fact, I bet that's what the hell is on Joey's head in those photographs that you were looking through in that other gay song of yours. Know what? I bet that 'dictionary of today's who's who' is a code word for People Magazine or something equally lame. You have to disguise it because you know that if a man is caught reading those girlie magazines, its a man card punch. And, I bet your drug dealer is pissed at you. Cause if the cops ever get a hold of your phone, they are BUSTED!
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Verse: I'm gonna sing those songs that offend the censors
Gonna pop my pills from a Pez dispenser
Get washed-up singers writin' all my songs
Lipsynk 'em every night so I don't get 'em wrong
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| Girl you know its true...Ooh ooh ooh...Nickelback sucks! |
You know, your songs don't offend me as much as I pity you. You're in your 40's or 50's singing juvenile lyrics like teenage and early twenty something rap acts do. And you're also stating part of the problem with today's music. No one writes their own songs anymore, so you have record executives with a monopoly over what is released, and deciding what is good. If people wrote their own songs, then it would be the ARTISTS that decided what is good. And last time I checked, getting caught lip synching was a bad thing. Ask Milli Vanilli or Ashlee Simpson. You admitting to it is a slap in the face to your fans.
Chorus: Well, we all just wanna be big rockstars
And live in hilltop houses, drivin' fifteen cars
The girls come easy and the drugs come cheap
We'll all stay skinny 'cause we just won't eat
And we'll hang out in the coolest bars
In the VIP with the movie stars
Every good gold digger's gonna wind up there
Every Playboy bunny with her bleach blond hair
And we'll hide out in the private rooms
With the latest dictionary of today's who's who
They'll get you anything with that evil smile
Everybody's got a drug dealer on speed dial
Well, hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
Hey, hey, I wanna be a rockstar
